That's It!

"I've had alls I can stands I can't stands no more." - Popeye

TW: ED

Okay, TikTok. I’m over you. Wait. I take that back. I’m not over all of you. I still love the unhinged Disney Adults, Dance Moms content, and Lea Michele Can’t Read hot takes that grace my FYP, but I am VERY MUCH over your food content.

Let’s set aside the visual ASMR of a pair of hands decorating a cupcake. That’s fine. I’ll even let the “everybody’s so creative” lady stay, because she says what we’re all thinking. I will even allow the odd recipe or two (the feta cheese and tomato pasta did indeed slap). But the last “recipe” I came across, while at first intriguing, sent me spiralling into an a sea of anger from which I have yet to be buoyed.

The only person online speaking truth to power.

A little background.

I love cooking. And I love people who alchemize recipes. I don’t mind a low cal substitute, and have been known to use applesauce instead of shugee on more than one occasion. Will I get down with a portobello burger? Sure. Have I replaced rice with cauliflower? Totally. So when I came across MULTIPLE videos saying they had a high protein hack for strawberry cheese cake ice cream, so rich, so delicious, so smooth you would never know the difference, I thought… why not? I love cottage cheese. I love protein. I love ice cream. Let’s give it a whirrr (like in the blender).

What I ended up with was so abhorrent, I threw it away and raised my fists to the gods!

She started out as such a pretty baby.

It’s not even that it was bad (which it was). It’s that I realized recipes like this are flat out dangerous. They are not that different from saying “hey, we know you want ice cream, and we know you don’t want to be a chubbo, so have this instead.” It’s no different than saying have Low Fat Cool Whip instead of ice cream. Or air popped pop corn instead of chips. Or carrot peels and liquid smoke instead of bacon (though I would still 100% try this recipe because it looks neat. What can I say? I’m a complex woman.)

I actually love Cool Whip for what she is… an oil based non dairy whipped topping

Now I know what you’re thinking. Maybe those lower cal options are better for you than ice cream and chips and bacon, oh my! Maybe. I want to eat good foods so my body can be strong, and my brain can be clear, and my skin can be bright. I want healthy teeth and a a shiny coat!

But at what cost?

Can any of you tell me how many calories are in an apple? I can. 90. How about a half cup of skim milk? I don’t even have to look it up. 45. Twenty almonds? 170 calories. I bet a lot of you knew the answers too. If not calories, Weight Watchers points. Or macros. Or Noom rattle snakes. Or whatever Noom uses. How many of you have gone to bed at night feeling empty and virtuous because your calorie total for the day was 1198. And how many of you have gone to bed mad because you were at 1203? Or whatever the magic number is.

The only math I could ever do in my head, btw.

I’m not here to discourage anyone. We all need to do what makes us feel great about ourselves and our bodies. I hope we are all doing it in a way that is good for us physically and mentally. And I’ll be the first to admit it… Cauliflower crust pizza is DELICIOUS. But when we start thinking of any foods as scary or bad, we can get into a very dangerous place.

Remember when we used to substitute Cauliflower for EVERYTHING?

I know that food shouldn’t be entertainment. What makes me nervous is when eating becomes joyless. Not every meal can be a celebration. We’ve all shoved a banana into our face as we head out the door already 15 minutes late for everything? But even that horfed banana can be celebrated. It’s going to fuel your bod and nourish your brain. Not to mention being pretty tasty if you’re into that sort of fruit.

That’s how I am trying to see food now. Every food is going to feed me in some different way. Maybe it’s a burger for a mega dose of iron (shout out to all my iron deficient girlies!). Maybe it’s a salad to reset my body and brain. Maybe it’s cake because life is short and cake is delicious. Maybe I don’t even need a reason.

And maybe you loved the cottage cheese ice cream recipe. And if you did… good for you. If eating it gives you something you need, eat on, bestie!

Me and my tummy

I’m just done letting food feed me a line about how my body is bad. Or I’m bad for eating it. Eating isn’t an issue of morality. Kale isn’t virtuous. Spaghetti isn’t the devil. I’m just doing my best to make my relationship with what I eat better. I’m trying to see food as the good guy.

And I feel a lot less angry about that cottage cheese ice cream now.

Thanks for reading.

No recipe this month. Let’s go get a burger.